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From: Esther
Category: Category 1
Date: 8/19/03
Time: 2:37:35 AM
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
I think that as a child, it is very lonely and stressful growing up with a depressed parent. You grow up thinking that you are a burden, and that there is no help or support, because your mom is 'overwhelmed' by her own problems, that she just can't be bothered with yours.
I think that there is the unspoken message of, "Be extremely successful in your own career and finances. By your successes, alleviate my own insecurities, and stop being a source of MY worry. YOU make me worry all the time." I think I became extremely worried and perfectionistic in school. School was a blur of chasing one accolade after another, but always feeling worthless. Home was a continual reminder of the stresses you placed on your mom. I became depressed and a 'cutter' as a teen.
As an adult, I now find it difficult to have any goals in my life, always thinking now that 'nothing' will ever be good enough, so why bother. I am now working on my own depression.