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From: J Spoores
Category: Category 1
Date: 1/18/03
Time: 7:04:28 PM
Remote Name: 67.39.3.89
I know I suffer from abandoment issues. I am anger and not exactly at her because I understand that she can't help it and didn't ask for this. I sometime wish I had someone else's mom - who was healthy not that I don't love her because I do. Its hard, harder than anyone can image by not going through it. I am scared to death that I might get the disease some day. I am afraid of having a family because if I do I do not want my children to ever experience what I went through. I once stayed in a bad relationship that involved some physical abuse because it was the first time I ever truely felt loved and I longed for the family life he could give me. On the outside, I'm doing great - great career, great marriage, my own home, working on my masters. Inside I am a wreck, and I get mad at myself I tell myself I'm fine I have everything - everything but a healthy mom which I will never have. It hurts.